The Note

I have found a note to be a powerful way to let your spouse know that you are thinking of them.  Last week, my wife sent me an E-card with a nice note about remembering the day that we got engage 13 years ago.  There are so many ways pass along a few words to your spouse.  Here are a few ideas:

• The traditional card
• An e-card
• Text
• E-mail
• Facebook message
• Post a status update about your love for your spouse
• A note for them to find (pocket, in the car, in the refrigerator)
• Wallpaper on the computer
• Airplane message in the sky
• Billboard
• Flowers always say a lot

Take a minute to let your spouse know that you appreciate them!

Retweet

"Marriages fail because of how right it seems to justify sinful responses to sin."
John Piper- via Twitter

Rules for fighting

One thing that people appreciate during our class was establishing some rules for conflict. Here are a few of the suggestions:

• Don't bring up the past
• Don't go to bed angry
• Stop and listen
• Seek to understand before being understood
• Be willing to take the blame
• Trust the good in your spouse

Ask yourself: "Am I trying to bring peace, or do I want to be heard?"

There will always be conflict in relationships.  Learn to build trust even in your disagreements.

Why Can't My Spouse Say What They Mean?

A little humor

-I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

-Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

-Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. Nathan, age 10.

A grim reminder

A clear image of the tragedy of divorce.  They both got half.

Lord, grant us the grace to be committed "as long as we both shall live".

Money Matters

A man said this his credit card was stolen, but he decied not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A lot of frustration in marriage can come from a failure or inability to communicate well about money.  Learning how to be on the same page in relation to finances can be a challenge.  It takes time and energy to talk about these issues, but it must be done.

Ray Ortland says "Usually what wrecks married couples isn't the 'high cost of living', but the 'cost of living high'". 

We are often caught in the cultural trap of buying things that we cannot afford.  We create our own financial trouble by failing to be content.  This frustrates our relationships.  It often stops us from giving. 

Any practical tips for effectively managing money?

Does marriage make you happy?

"Marriage has a better chance of making you holy than making you happy".  

How do feel when you hear that statement? 

I think that most who are married have realized the purifying affect that it has had on their character.  In  Ephesians, Paul talks about part of the husbands role in loving his wife is to lead her towards holiness.  It states "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless".

I have found that if I am loving my wife as I should, that it tends to make me more aware of my own selfishness, pride, and desire for me to be happy.  This does not always make me happy to see these traits in myself.  But the awareness of them allows me to confess them and draw near to God in humility.

I do believe that the more we are pursuing holiness that ultimately we will be happier.  So marriage can be a tool to help us get there if we allow it to.

How have you seen marriage make you more holy?

Talk Show

If you are interested in another tool to help facilitate the strengthening of your marriage, here is the link to a new talk show about marriage.  Watch an episode if you have the time.

Fireproof

What sticks out in this clip from the movie "Fireproof"?

What do you notice about the husband and the wife?

What do you notice about their friends?

Do you trust your spouse?

Trust is a key ingredient to any healthy relationship.  I believe that a lack of trust is a big part of  many disagreements in marriage.  So here are a few scenerios for thought.

When your spouse uses money in a way that you feel they shouldn't, do you trust them?

When your spouse says something that feels unloving, do you trust that they really do love you and just mispoke?

When your spouse tells you that they are working on improving a character flaw, do you patiently trust and encourage them?

Do you trust your spouse when they:  go to the mall, train your children, talk to other people, are at work, say they need a break?

It becomes even more difficult to regain trust when you spouse has proven themself to be untrustworthy.  Are you willing to be gracious and forgiving help them grow instead of treating them like they will never change?

What are your thoughts about the role that trust plays in a marriage?

Can You Hear Me Now?

A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the doctor. 'Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens.' In a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, What's for dinner?'

Again, no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, What's for dinner?'

Again, there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

'Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!'


Do you sometimes blame your spouse for things that you really are partially responsible for?

How is your communication?  Do you tend to under communicate about things? 

Communication

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.

Ogden Nash [1902-1971]

Importance of the covenant

"...keeping covenant with our spouse is as important as telling the truth about God's covenant with us in Jesus Christ.  Marriage is not mainly about being or staying in love.  It's mainly about telling the truth with our lives.  It's about portraying something true about Jesus Christ and the way he relates to his people.  It is about showing in real life the glory of the gospel."

John Piper - This Momentary Marriage: A Parable in Permanence